Based on the title, you may be thinking that this is another one of those cliche posts about “yeah I’m single on Valentines day, but its okay….etc” And even though I can’t argue the truthfulness of that statement, this post is much more than that, at least for me.
If I can be really transparent (which is something I rarely do), this time last year I remember being really sad. Like, yes I have a family and tons of friends that love me, but I mean I’ve always had a family and tons of friends that love me, but it was like I wanted more. Not just more in the form of a relationship, but simply more. It felt as if something was missing, and I couldn’t place my finger on it. For lack of better phrasing, I felt really empty. So instead of getting to the root of the emptiness I sort of buried that feeling under a rug, and went on as normal. Yes I believe in God. Yes, I believe that he died for my sins. So, whenever someone asks me what my religion is, I quickly say Christian. I mean, I’ve been saved ever since I was a little girl, but I didn’t really know the meaning of what that even meant until a few years ago, to tell you the truth. And even to this day it’s still a daily struggle of having one foot in and one foot out because I’m human. I want what I want, but at the end of the day, above all else, I just want to please God. Like, it has taken me some time to be able to say that and really mean it, forreal. Like, this walk has not been easy, and I don’t think it will ever be easy, but it has certainly been worth it. I mean I could sit and just reminisce on countless times where God has prewarned me of things, or people, yet being the human that I am, and wanting what I want, I’d ignore it, and pay the price later. I mean it was as clear as “delete his number. I told you not to go to the lounge in the first place.” Like some would probably think I was crazy if I told them that, but it’s real! And then over the course of the last 8 months, I saw why it was totally real. We all have heard the saying, “I wish I could go back to the day I met you, and walk away.” If you have a strong conviction about something, don’t fight it. Obey immediately, because delayed obedience is still disobedience. I mean I could write a whole blog on that topic alone, but I’ll digress.
Recently, a good friend of mine, and I started a book club and we are reading, The Wait- by Devon Franklin and Maegan Good. I’m only on chapter 4, but the book is amazing! The book talks a lot about delayed gratification, and simply waiting. I love how the book is extremely transparent because that makes it so much more relatable. I truly look forward to reading my 1-2 chapters every night after my quiet time, because it is like a breathe of fresh air. It’s also reaffirming. Just because I don’t necessarily have everything I desire to have right now, doesn’t mean that it won’t come. And if I can be transparent again lol, I’m a bit of a mess. Like if I had everything that I desire right now, I wouldn’t even know how to deal with it all, and strangely, that gives me peace. So, if you’re reading this and you’re like me and don’t have it all together in whatever area that may be, know that it’s okay! Nobody has it all together in every area. And, even the areas that are good can always improve. So on this Valentines Day I can honestly say that I’m in a really good place. A happy place. I’m happy that I am no longer burying feelings under rugs, but actually confronting them head on. I’m happy that I have learned to find joy in the “not knowing.” I mean in 3 months a phase of my life is about to end, and instead of being scared of all of the question marks, I’m truly excited. So cheers to that!
Also, for those of you who are single, and are a bit lonely, cheer up! Maybe treat yourself to a yummy dinner, or cook a yummy dinner. Dive into a good book, or maybe have some quiet time. Just don’t simmer in feelings of loneliness, because you are never alone 🙂 XXXXO